DadTalk

Making time for mealtimes

Eating together is a great way for families to grow together. Research has shown that children who participate regularly in family mealtimes do better in school and enjoy closer relationships with parents and siblings.

We have to eat to grow, and eating together is a great way for families to grow together. Research has shown that children who participate regularly in family mealtimes have healthier eating habits, do better in school, are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, develop eating disorders or be depressed, and enjoy closer relationships with parents and siblings. That’s pretty impressive!

Sadly, in our stress-filled lives, juggling our work commitments with the kids’ extra-curricular activities often results in meals eaten on the hoof or wolfed down in front of the TV. But if we all made it a priority to stop and respect this family time together, both parents and children could have much to gain.

Dinner time is the perfect place to engage your children in conversation, so whenever possible, try to eat at the table, facing each other, away from the TV and other distractions. Go round the table, encouraging each member of the family to share something about their day. Ask them about their friends, their activities and interests. You may be surprised and encouraged by what you hear, and it’s a great way to strengthen bonds between older and younger siblings.

You can also use this time to tell your kids what you’ve been up to at work or in your hobbies. How many kids only hear about the negative side of Dad’s job and just see it as something that’s stressful and makes them tired and grumpy?

Mealtimes are also an ideal opportunity to open a discussion, where you can find out what your children know or feel about certain topics - and you have a chance to voice your opinion. For example, talking about the new series of Big Brother can start a debate on the pros and cons of reality TV, what it brings the contestants, how it might affect them, why we find it intriguing...

Or sharing items of celebrity gossip such as Amy Winehouse’s latest escapade is a way of introducing the subjects of alcohol and drugs without being too full on. And if there’s been a crisis like an earthquake or shooting, talk about what it must be like for the people in the thick of it, their friends and families.

Talking round the dinner table is the best way to gain your children’s trust. You can learn from and educate them, and as they start to open up to you more, you’ll be able to find out how they feel about things, which, let’s face it, is one of the hardest aspects of parenthood.

Getting everyone involved in preparing a meal both helps you and reinforces the fact that meals are a family affair. Let your children come up with menu ideas, assist in the preparation, lay the table, dish up, clear away and wash up. These are chances to work together, share together and talk together that you may not otherwise experience. And in addition, your kids will feel they’ve contributed to the meal and enjoy the element of responsibility.

Try to keep the conversation light and fun - it shouldn’t be a time for whingeing about problems at work or scolding the kids. But in return, don’t let one individual’s bad behaviour disrupt this important time. You’re tired and stressed at the end of a day’s work and the last thing you want to deal with is whining about the food, moaning that a favourite TV programme is being missed, siblings winding each other up, teenagers giving you grief or appalling table manners. Give anyone who misbehaves a warning and if they don’t heed this, send them away to finish their dinner elsewhere (but obviously not in the lounge with the TV on!).

Encourage your kids to try new foods. Even if they don’t like them the first time, leave it a while and then try again. Our taste buds do change. However, try not to over-indulge fussy eaters. Having to prepare a range of different dishes to suit every family member, limit what you cook to a few alternatives or endure children complaining about whatever you serve up is not conducive to a happy mealtime. Explain that this is what’s on offer and they can take it or leave it. If they refuse to eat, simply remove the plate and provide nothing else - no pudding or snacks later.

Be firm on this - by holding mealtimes up high and insisting on courtesy, consideration and good table manners, your children will start to understand the importance of this family time.

The skills we learn about family living serve us throughout our lives. And although family life is rarely perfect, taking time to share food and conversation with those you care about will help your family grow closer and stronger.