DadTalk

Rebellion

One of the lessons I learned early on is that seeing the difference between foolishness and rebellion is critical in disciplining kids.

For a number of years I treated both the same. A child who didn’t obey was a child who didn’t obey - and it needed dealing with! But I began to realise by the look in their eyes that not all disobedience was out and out rebellion. That a forgetful, slow or just distracted child is not the same as the out and out rebellious one.

All kids have touches of both rebellion and foolishness, but handling them differently takes skill and discernment.

Is my child not obeying because they haven’t understood the instruction? Is it because they were so excited about the thing that they were focussed on that they just couldn’t keep track of instruction? Are the instructions I’m giving too many or age inappropriate?

I’ve seen plenty of parents blow up in the supermarket at what, to a casual observer, seemed more like little Johnny not understanding what he was being asked than the devil incarnate he’s being made to be. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lost it in the supermarket too! There’s something about those places that almost guarantees that at least one parent will each time you visit, and you have to be grateful when it’s not you.

On the flip side, I’ve observed plenty of parents who just give a ‘ooh isn’t he cute’ look to out and out fly-in-the-face rebellion. Treat rebellion lightly and you end up with a kid that doesn’t respect you, treats authority figures with contempt and generally creates a destructive cycle in themselves that will set them up for trouble later in life.

Defiant, wilful rebellion has to be dealt with calmly, quickly and with clear consequences. From my observations, if foolishness is treated the same way it creates children that are under confident and unsure of themselves, wary of making a mistake. Foolishness must be dealt with gently, with a sense of humour and in a way that encourages the child to think about what they’re doing and create a strategy to obey.

Foolish kids need training - defiant kids need disciplining. What does the difference look like to you?