A dad who travels
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- Category: Blog Tuesday - Mrunal
The main thing is, that we learn how to love each other and make it work as well as possible. I don’t know if anyone else will find this helpful but here’s a few of the things that we’ve learned together to make it work a little better
- Engage the family with why you have to go. I’ve found that bringing them into the purpose for what I ‘m doing makes a big difference to them. They feel part of it when I help them see that we are achieving something together. Even in their small world, helping them see that their sacrifice is making a difference to other people, really helps them. I’ve found this to be true especially for the older ones.
- Communicating that I don’t want to go. Sounds strange but I have found that it’s so important that my kids know that I’d much rather be at home with them. I regularly tell them that I don’t want to go and I’ll be back as soon as I can. I make trips for the minimum time possible and max out work time while I’m there so I can get back as soon as possible.
- Planning trips away from weekends. Caroline and I quickly realised that with two children at school, Saturday was the most important day for me to be around. Although sometimes it’s impossible, where I can , I try to be at home for Saturday so that we maximise this important family day for us.
- Letting them know what I’m doing each day and how it’s going. My wife and I communicate regularly by text whilst I’m away. Each morning they’ll chat about dad and how he’s getting on and the sort of things that are happening.
- Asking them what they want me to bring home. Particularly as my kids love gifts, I’ll always try to bring home a little present. It’s never much (usually under £3 each), but a trip to the local pound store or foreign equivalent to get them something close to what they want. By doing this I’ve found an ideal way to make my absence more palatable.
- Stories. When I’m home, 3-4 times a week I tell my kids a bedtime story of an adventurer called ‘Horace’ (don’t ask where the name came from). The kids each give me two words and I have to make up the next episode of the adventure. I started doing it a couple of years ago when a friend said that the highlight of his time growing up was his dad telling him made-up stories every night. Believe me, I’m no genius at story-telling, but I thought that it was something that I could do to make a unique ‘daddy-stamp’ on their lives. The kids give me the words before I go and while I’m away I record the short story on my phone and email it over. It only takes 5 minutes per day but my wife tells me it becomes the highlight of the week as they huddle round the computer to listen.
- Looking for the perks. Sometimes I’m able to take my family with me on business trips. Whenever I’m able I make this happen, even though it’s much harder on me than travelling alone. I also try to maximise the other perks of my job - which is a degree of flexibility when I am around. I let them know that the reason I can do this and that is because I have the job that I do - it helps to soften the blow for some of the ‘downsides’.
When I’m home, I’m really home. I really try to be ‘there’. My work with adults has shown me that although many had dads who were physically present, emotionally or mentally they were absent. In some cases it would have been better for them to have been away. In fact one guy told me ‘I used to dread dad coming home’. Although I do it far from perfectly, I’ve tried to make it an aim to be emotionally and mentally engaged when I’m at home.
Being a dad who travels is not easy. Every time I go there are still cries of ‘daddy I wish you didn’t have to go’, and when I return lots of snuggles and ‘I missed you so much’ conversations. But these few things I’ve found invaluable for making it more positive than it could have been. I’d love to hear any tips that you’ve learned.
