DadTalk

A wonderful servant but a terrible master

As dads, one of our roles is to protect our kids from harm. Mums of course share this role, but I’m convinced dads need to take a primary lead. But are we proactive enough in this? A friend of mine once said that having the internet at home was like installing an open sewer in your house. It shocked me at first but I soon realised the truth in his words.

But there is another open sewer these days that’s becoming more and more toxic - the good ‘ol TV. On a recent trip to the USA we were shocked at the level of horror and violence shown during commercials between kids programs. R rated films (which sit between our 15 and 18 rating) would be advertised at 10am in the morning between kids TV shows. It wasn’t quite SAW III in between Charlie and Lola but it wasn’t far off!

It got me thinking how our culture has changed in its attitude to TV in such a short space of time. I was recently talking to some of my son’s seven year old friends and it became apparent that all of them regularly watched films rated 12 and some of them had seen films rated 15. These are kids from good, stable homes. What has happened that we feel that this is ok? It seems as if we’ve become so desensitised with the barrage of inappropriate material on TV that we have forgotten the harmful effect it has on those whose minds are developing. Of course TV watching can have many beneficial and educational effects. Studies have demonstrated this. But TV watching has also been demonstrated time and again to have many harmful effects on our children’s development - check out this article for example.

Given that now the average american child will see 200,000 violent acts and 16,000 murders by the time they are 18 (and the British child can’t be far behind), it’s critical that as dads we get a handle on the role that TV is playing. Particularly as we now know that watching violent media can even affect our child’s willingness to help others in need. See the study here

So what can we, as dads do? Here’s a few things that we’ve put in place to help protect our kids in this critical area.

• Family viewing - we have a regular movie night where we watch movies together. It gives us the opportunity to set what’s being seen, keep a hand on the fast forward button and enjoy time together as a family. Allowing my kids see me fast forward and comment on things that are not appropriate I’ve found is a powerful model for them to follow.
• Good choices - we try to help our kids make good choices about what they watch. We encourage them to turn it off or watch something else rather than ‘doing it for them’. That way it empowers them to begin the habit to choosing for themselves what they will fill their minds with.
• No pressure - recently I observed one of our older children trying to persuade a younger child that something was ‘not scary’. We won’t allow this in our family - rather we try to help the kids know their own boundary, even if the rating says they’re old enough. In a similar way we won’t allow them to watch something that they are not old enough to watch by the rating. Teaching them to respect this we hope will help them in later life know what’s appropriate and what’s not.
• Time limits - although not always brilliant at this, we tend to have  a rule of a maximum of 1 hour of TV on a school day and 2 on a weekend day. Actually our kids are probably well below both of those limits as they will often have days where they won’t watch any TV. This is why we sometimes allow a little flex on the weekends. If for no other reason than TV stops them engaging with one another, exercising and developing other hobbies, it’s great to have some time limits.
• No TV in rooms - it still amazes me that many parents allow their kids to have TV in their rooms. I guess because I had one when I was growing up I know never to allow my children to have this kind of unmonitored access! The damage done for me was considerable!

Whatever the boundaries we set as dads, our role to protect and train our kids won’t go away. TV is a wonderful servant but a terrible master. Have you mastered it in your home?