And Logic
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- Category: Blog Tuesday - Mrunal
Last week I looked at the benefits that we’ve found from parenting using tips we discovered in the book ‘Love and Logic’ by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay. You can read that post here. I thought it would be helpful to reflect on the benefits we’ve seen for our kids.
- Our kids take greater responsibility without prompting. We’ve found that some of the big battlegrounds are non-events now. Getting ready for school ‘just happens’ with rarely a fight whereas it used to be a stressful event every day trying to get three kids out of the door. We never have to ‘nag’ our kids out of bed in the morning. I’ve even heard one of our kid say to the other ‘I can’t play now because I have to get ready for school’.
- Our kids have to be asked to do things less times . Usually, just once is all it takes. An example would be the area of tidying their rooms. A year ago this would have been a huge ordeal that would have taken a weekend of threats, manipulation and probably ended in tears or some form of discipline - probably both. On Saturday I said to the two oldest ‘I’d like your rooms tidied by monday morning please. If it’s not done by then I’ll be happy to do it for you.’ Caleb my 7 year old said ‘yes but if you do it then I’ll owe you a job’. ‘Absolutely,’ I said with a wink and a smile. He grinned. A gentle reminder of the choice on Sunday was all it took and both their rooms were done without a complaint.
- Our kids have become more responsible when we aren’t watching. Over the Christmas holidays, Caleb was with his uncle and his cousins in the woods. He had his penknife on him and I had told him he could get all of the blades out apart from the biggest one, which he could only get out when I was with him. The cousins were pressurising him to show them the biggest blade. ‘No,’ he said ‘my dad says only when I’m with him’. His uncle reported to me how impressed he’d been that even though an older boy was pressurising him, he held his ground. The next day, Caleb wanted a new penknife with a serrated blade. ‘Caleb’ I said ‘Uncle Dan told him what happened with your old knife yesterday. I was so proud of you that you made that choice that I think you’re ready for a new knife with a bigger and sharper blade. I know you can be trusted to make the right choices.’
- Our kids have learned to solve problems for themselves. The other day Ethan our 3 year old really wanted to do something. It was a little dangerous and we were amazed at his creativity when, seeing our reluctance, he came up with a creative solution to make it safer.
- Our kids use set healthy boundaries by using love and logic in their relationships. Ethan again was with another boy of around the same age. The kid was miserable, crying, snatching and complaining. Ethan looked at him and said ‘I play with boys who are fun’ - I line he’s heard from us many times when he’s been the one crying! The kids stopped in his tracks, ceased his crying and began to play nicely!
Love and Logic works. Our kids have grown so much in the last six months as we’ve changed the way we parent. Our family is far from perfect, but we’re in a lot better shape than we were!
