DadTalk

How to get the most from your Midwife

Although midwives are there to look after mums and babies they are also there to support dads. Here we give some tips on getting the most from your midwife

Suzanne Barber is a Specialist Infant Feeding Midwife and a Supervisor of Midwives.

Did you know that although midwives are there to look after mums and babies we are also there to support you?

At times, supporting birth partners can be challenging. Not surprising when you uncover the horror stories that circulate regarding poor care and births, most are exaggerated and disproportionate. Is it any wonder you can perceive your role to be the defender and protector?

The reality is we are also there for you and to help you through this fantastic, wonderfully moving experience! Here are some tips to make sure there is a common goal and promote effective working partnerships, to ensure your wife/girlfriend remains the centre of focus and benefits from a trusting relationship.

Tip 1 - Talk to the midwife

Too much angst is caused when you are worried and frightened but do not ask questions. The midwife will also be doing her best to talk to you, perhaps making small talk, informing you both of the series of events, and keeping you involved. If you do not understand - no question is stupid or irrelevant. Knowledge is power!

Tip 2 - Focus on your partner not the machines

All too often, partners get technically involved but ultimately, if the monitoring is used, it takes the focus away from the important person. The machine can work beautifully without you watching every peak and trough on the graph paper, your partner will benefit more from your words of encouragement, massage, and offers of food and drink.

Tip 3 - Who should be the birth partner?

Partners experience frustration by feeling useless and in the way. No one should feel this way. However, to be honest, it takes a strong man to decline the offer of being at the birth, when secretly he is not keen or unsure. How this decision is reached is often not well thought through. There has been such a push for Daddy-to-be to be allowed to attend their baby’s birth that maybe we have gone too far the other way and Dads are now routinely expected. It may be best to plan to have two birth partners, one of whom should be experienced in childbirth. This will give you the opportunity to have frequent breaks, leave if things get a bit too much without feeling the guilt of abandonment and most importantly someone to talk to. Women in labour often become uncommunicative as they become very focused and withdrawn but they do enjoy being distracted by conversations happening around them which they do not have to directly contribute to. Do not forget the birthing process can take a VERY long time and be very tiring for all concerned.

Tip 4 - Keep the baggage simple

Childbirth is not a good reason for packing items just in case. It is a good idea to encourage a small bag for the labour and leave everything else in the car. Delivery rooms are very compact in the modern maternity units and the more space there is in the room the more mobile your partner can be which in turn will encourage a normal labour and birth. An added bonus for the midwife is she does not have to unpack a 20kg suitcase just to find a nappy at the appropriate time!

Tip 5 - Relax

Whilst looking after women in labour the midwives often need direct access to arms, for blood pressure readings, heads for temperatures, bumps, to palpate etc. A lot of a midwife’s time is spent reassuring partners that they should stay put and not be constantly jumping out of the way. Please relax and let the midwife ask you to move if necessary. Normally we like to work around a couple rather than interrupt the support you are giving by being there in close proximity. You are important and we value the support you provide which in turn relieves some of the pressure on us. Let’s do this together!

Tip 6 - Bonding with the midwife

What do you do if you cannot bond with the midwife? Not everyone is my cup of tea and I am not everyone’s either. This is normal in life. You have the right to request to change your midwife. In every labour ward there is a senior midwife in charge and a polite request can ensure you are reallocated. This is important, as without an effective relationship, satisfaction and outcomes can be negatively affected. This applies to the pregnancy and postnatal periods too. In every maternity unit there are midwives who are appointed as Supervisors of Midwives, whose responsibility includes ensuring the safety and well-being of women and their babies. They are accessible to you to support you when you have any difficulties or issues you want resolved.

Tip 7 - Making informed choices

Knowledge is power, but there is a danger in reading misinformed literature, often in abundance on the internet. Carefully select your sources of information. There are links below to some excellent information which can help you both make informed choices around the birth and care of your new baby.

Breastfeeding -

• The Baby Friendly Inistiative
• NHS Advice on Breastfeeding

Parenting -

• BBC Parenting pages

Informed choice - a series of leaflets which inform on all aspects of pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period

• Informed Choice