Dadtalk

Daddy Hugs

I went to a conference about fathering this weekend and, once again, heard stats about the devaluing of fathers and its impact on society. The speaker talked about how, as a society, we are now reaping the fruit of years of devaluing fathers: our role, our purpose, our place in the family. He quoted some social figures and gave examples of the impact from conversations with police officials and other community groups he had addressed.

But you know what? I’ve heard most of this before: people speaking about how we in the UK are bringing up a fatherless generation. But the difference this weekend was that the conference wasn’t for “professionals working within the family sector.” Heaven knows I’ve been to enough of those.

No, this one was for people like you and me. It was a room full of adult men and women who simply wanted to hear about what a father’s love is like, people longing to connect to something deep within themselves that was laying dormant and, in some cases, broken.

I found it refreshing to hear about individual lives, about people longing to be hugged by a dad, about their anger at fathers who never connected, about their experiences of dads who preferred the board room to the dinner table, about wanting to hear the words ‘I love you for who you are, not what you do.’

For me, it was about the deep longing to connect to a father figure. I’m not sure I was prepared to hear about the depth of emotions that surfaced (to be honest I don’t think half the people there were prepared!), but I was humbled to hear their stories, to be privy to be let in to the deep places of their lives.

Not that I need to say this, but I will anyway: I’m not knocking single female parent families, or mums at all. Mums are amazing, incredible, irreplaceable; my boys need their mum. Today’s blog isn’t political and apologies if that’s how you read it. No, today’s blog is Jasper and Harvey’s dad being re-envisioned. If I ever needed a rally call to keep going, boy, this weekend was it. Like William Wallace addressing his troops before battle in Braveheart, the lives I heard about have inspired me to keep going. Not only to keep being dad to my boys, to put my role as their dad first, but also to keep saying to anyone who will listen that dads do matter.

This weekend, one woman told me about how, above all things, she just wanted a hug from her dad. This 50+ lady is a mother, partner, professional, solid, strong…yet tears rolled down her face as she said, “I just wanted to know he loved me. I just wanted the occasional hug.” I don’t know what came over me, but as I embraced her, I thought to myself:

“I can’t wait to get home and give my boys a Daddy Hug.”