Dadtalk

Hi, heres my situation,
My partner and I live together(not married) with our son. My partner works till 930-10pm most nights, so I do all dinners, baths and putting to bed for my son.
My partner drinks alot, (nothing violent) and doesn't think she has a problem (drinks min of a bottle of wine a night). Quite often, once drunk, at about midnight she will decide to go out into town, and has now cheated on me at least once but I think it could be more times.
She also has big debts, which I try to help with, but she lies so much that it is hard to help.
I have, and continue trying to make it work, but we are just getting more apart.
My choices seem to be to just put up with this rubbish life, to be with my son, or to walk away and loose my son.
I have asked her to move out, so that she can live her life as she wants, and still see our son when ever she wants, but she will not go.
I dont want to break a family, but we are so bearly a family now. I do not think that my son would be brought up properly if he was left with his mom.
Do I have any good options???
Do I have to stay in this rubbish situation to be with my son, or do I have to walk away to stay sain, but condeming my son to a life with a drunk who is chased for debts, and brings home a new step dad every few weeks.

Burtondad - Sounds like a really tough situation.

Would she be willing for you both to go to counseling to work some of the issues through e.g. Relate? Obviously i don't know much about your situation but i would encourage anyone to do all they can to try and save the relationship they are in - it will be better for you son and if you can make it work both of you. Would it be worth a shot?
There are a number of popular articles on our relationships section of the site which you might also find helpful : http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/categories.php ... k=articles

From the way you write the post she seems quite distant / lost even depressed? Has there been something that's triggered her recent behaviour? Are you able to get her some help?

Regarding the debt's, do check out our resources in the Finance section of the site including http://www.dadtalk.co.uk/categories.php?cat=Finance including the article on budgeting which has so really helpful links if what goes out is always more than what comes in. But i wonder if it might be worth a call to the consumer credit counselling service - we're working hard to get them doing advice on the site - but for now either try their Debt Remedy Tool or call 0800 138 1111 or visit their site http://www.cccs.co.uk/

I hope some of this is useful - let us know what you decide to do and how it goes.

I've forwarded the post to our friends at the children's legal centre to see if they can answer the main question about custody.

Buzz

Thanks Buzz, I know what your saying about getting her help, and seeking advice. But I can not force her to go to see someone, just as much as I can not force her out of the flat. Making it work would be the best option, but unfortunatly its like trying to tell an apple it should be an orange, The apple just doesn't listen.

I would suggest that you attend Al Anon - this is attached to Alcoholics Anonymous and is for those people affected by or related to alcoholics - you will learn quite a lot in a few weeks. I'm not suggesting you do this to help your partner - that's a decision only she can make if and when she's ready - but it may be very helpful to you to understand and to move on.

I have been where you are, any my personal opinion is that ou shouldn't put up with a rubbish life. If you can get her to seek help, then it's worth a shot, but in the long term, if she's intent on self-destructing, then it's a situation that could drag you and your children down also.

Actd - good idea on Alcoholics Anonymous - it looks like you can find a nearest meeting of AA on their website http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/ ... s/wtf.html

Hear what you are saying Burtondad and kinda agree with Actd too... i just know when a family breaks down there is pain for many years to come and so if at all possible try and save it... but not everything is salvageable and therefore for some its more damaging staying together... Its a tough call, but at least you are doing something about it.

\ Buzz

Just to clarify - Al Anon is not actually Alcoholics Anonymous, they are separate meetings. There is also an organisation attached called Alateen which is for children of alcoholics. There are fewer of these around, but if you can find one, may be very useful for your children.