Dadtalk

Do Dads really matter these days? Seems to me the women have it all figured out & don't need us anymore. Is there any point trying to see my kids? What difference can I make? I am working 14 hour days, paying a fortune in maintenance, live a couple of hours away from them & can't bear to be in the same room as the ex for more than 10 seconds. Sorry, lots of questions, I just don't know the answer. :cry:

Hi Fred,

Don't be fooled of course dads (men) matter. I have 4 kids and my eldest is attached to mum but my second clearly relates to me because I'm a man. I'm learning as I go along in how to adapt to changes. The best thing that dads can do is "be a role model" in how you handle life and it's difficulties. I saw a program recently where expert help was sort and the result was pretty amazing. Maybe something to consider if you feel that your relationship with your ex is effecting your relationship with your children.

Here, here, Rolyat!

As I've said elsewhere, a lad I worked with recently called me 'the dad I never had', just because I did 'man things' with him - things that most women are not interseted in, like football.

There has to be a ballance in a child's life and that can only be provide by a mum AND a dad.

so many mums these days are trying to bring up male children on their own and finding it impossible. They need guidance from someone who's been through the same feelings and changes - and sorted themselves out.

You can still show your kids what a dad can be like, but only if you can sort out your on feelings about their mum and prove to them that even broken relationships don't have to be bad ones.

When my parents broke up I was old enough to know what was going on, but it took me a long time to forgive my dad for what he did to the family - but especially my mum.... I know now that I wanted him to admit his mistakes and try to put things right, not push us all away. His selfishness was what got me.

It wasn't until after I had forgiven him and made the effort to see him that I beganb to see his side of the story...

DON'T give up on being a dad. Keep your children close and show them that - whoever's fault the breakup was - that you are sorry, but still love them adn want things to be good between you all.

Hi 'Proud of them all' - guess you must have a few?

Things have improved since I had my rant back in April. It is still hard to find time to spend with my kids - although your comment on selfishness strikes a chord. Food for thought there. :oops:

I guess I need to put more effort in & make the time to spend with them. I just feel when they are with me I don't really know what to do with them - their Mum does all the day-to-day stuff & I am left feeling like we always have to be going out somewhere, doing something - & most things cost. Any ideas cheap/fun things to do with 4 kids - age range from 6-14. It would be nice to be able to have some one to one time with each of them but that is definately in the too hard basket right now.

I only have 3, Fred. Two grown up and one still at school (early teens!) but I chose my name to reflect how I feel about them.

To my knowledge it's fairly typical of dads to want to 'treat' their kids, while the mum does the 'bringing up'. (My wife is always telling me off for 'giving in' when she has set a rule... but that's for another site!)

We have never had much money either and found long country walks a good way to enjoy ourselves, but this may not be practical - unless the oldest one is able to help look after the others? (and the others young enough not to object!)

I see from 'Family Games' you've found some things to do with them. Have you found the link to this site - http://www.dadcando.com/ - yet? (It's in my belated reply to King_t, if you need the full path.) Looks to be something for everyone there.

And why not have a word with the Ex. to see of you can sort out a on-to-one day?

Hi - just seen a paragraph in the Sun this morning - says something like 2/3 kids want to spend more time with their Dad? Wonder if this is kids with Dad at home or non-resident? Would like to see some more info on this survey but don't know where to look.

A one-to-one day sounds like a good idea. Will see about that - perhaps during school holidays I could take some time out.