DadTalk

Child maintenance options

Separation from your child's mother can bring lots of practical and financial problems. This organisation offers impartial information and support

If you’re a dad going through a break-up from the mother of your child, you’re probably trying to work through lots of conflicting thoughts and practicalities in your head. And if you’ve been through it in the past, you know what it’s like. But I’m not here to focus on negative issues. I’m writing because I wanted to tell you about an organisation which can help you sort out some of those practicalities.

Child Maintenance Options is a service set up to provide impartial information and support to help both parents make informed choices about child maintenance, they also offer help with other aspects of parenting after separation.

If you don’t know what child maintenance is - its financial help towards a child’s everyday living costs. The parent who doesn’t normally live with the children pays it to the parent who does live with them.

The money paid as child maintenance means a child can enjoy basic material rights, such as clothing and food. And that’s hugely important to children whose parents live apart. But there’s also another element of child maintenance which could strengthen the relationship between you and your child - and an effective arrangement could also help your relationship with their mum.

Now I imagine some of you who’ve been through a painful break-up from a partner might find that last bit hard to believe, but many parents have said that when their child maintenance arrangements are working there is less tension between them. And as we all know, that can make life easier for everyone involved.

But in terms of being a dad, the research shows that if you’re living apart from your child and they see you’re providing for them (and this could mean by taking them to sports events or activities) it boosts your child’s sense of security and self worth. It reassures them that both of their parents are there to look after them and it also strengthens their view of you as a fatherly role model - as someone for them to look up to.

As dads, we all want to do the best for our kids even if we’re not living with their mum anymore. And providing for them through a child maintenance arrangement is one way we can continue to play our fatherly role - in our eyes and also in theirs.

There are two ways of arranging child maintenance. One is what’s called a ‘private agreement’. This means you and their mum sit down and talk about arrangements for the children, and try to reach agreement over how to organise things between you. This can be done without involving anyone else in the arrangement.

The other option is to arrange it through the Child Support Agency (CSA). Some parents choose this option if, for example, they’re not confident of being able to make an agreement - or keep it working - between themselves.

Child maintenance payments are on the increase in Britain - and that can only be good for the kids who so badly need that support. So if you think you or another dad you know might want to find out a bit more, you can get free help from Child Maintenance Options

Now you may feel that an organisation that doesn’t know you can’t tell you how to deal with your children. And you’d be right - no one can tell you what’s best for your family. But what they can do is offer practical information and support - information that’s impartial and unbiased, and support that’s there for you if you want it.

The fact that Child Maintenance Options are impartial means they’re there to help both parents and they don’t favour any one method of arranging maintenance. But I was glad to hear that one thing they do favour is the continuing involvement of dads after separation from their child’s mum.

As for ‘help with other aspects’, they also offer support in other areas because the reality is that parents often have many conflicting concerns when going through a separation. So this support is available to help parents sort out their other worries, so that they can be better placed to think about arranging child maintenance.

The people running this service do admit they’re not experts in all these ‘wider concern’ areas. And that’s why they’ve linked up with organisations which specialise in giving advice in areas such as legal rights, finances and emotional wellbeing.

I’ve mentioned us, as dads, wanting to stay involved in our children’s lives. This is obviously hugely important to us - and it’s great for our kids. So if you want to find out more about how to stay involved in your child’s life, or you want to understand better how your child may be feeling, there’s an information leaflet you can download from the Child Maintenance Options website. They’re available to help us make the best possible arrangements for our circumstances after separation from the child’s partner.