DadTalk

A smile for Oscar

I hadn't realised. But then I didn't really feel like his father. It was six months since the birth, and I had never felt so alone and terrified. It hadn't even occurred to me that I should smile at this child.

When he was a few months old, every time I walked into the room my beautiful baby son would beam at me, a silly toothless grin. It was my wife who first noticed that I never returned the smile. 'Look!' she'd plead. 'He's smiling at you! Why don't you smile back?'

I hadn't realised. But then I didn't really feel like his father. It was six months since the birth, and I had never felt so alone and terrified. It hadn't even occurred to me that I should smile at this child. Despite the fact that I had been at home with him every day since he was born, I wasn't convinced he even knew or cared who I was.

For the sake of my wife, I started to make the effort to be enthusiastic. My smiles weren't exactly genuine - more of a grimace, in fact. Unable to come to terms with my role in his life, I felt increasingly isolated - and was overcome by an inexplicable sadness whenever I saw him.

I became more introspective and resentful, grieving for my old 'easy' life, and I wondered how this greasy-haired-pale-faced pair who bitched and sniped and made each another miserable had disposed of the attractive young couple who once used to live in our house.

Read more from the Daily Mail – and yes, there is a happy ending…

The author of this article, Philip Robinson, found the challenge of becoming a new father almost overwhelming – how did you cope with all the changes? Let us know via the forum…