DadTalk

Let the family go barefoot

Every family has sock problems. “Where are my socks? How come I never have any socks?” asks Dad.

I’ve often thought that the life of an idle parent would be immeasurably improved if socks didn’t exist. Socks sow discord and spread consternation. Every family has sock problems. “Where are my socks? How come I never have any socks?” asks Dad. The harried parent will look at its child’s feet for the fifth time that morning and see that they are still sockless. “How many times have I told you? Put your socks on!” he or she will scream.

Sometimes I give up and let them wander to the car sockless, or just jam wellies on their feet and hope that no other parent notices. I’d like to send them to school without socks but I think the child really would look too heart-breakingly neglected, with nothing in between its cherished feet and its Clark’s Mutronix.

Now, these sock problems are not, as we tell ourselves, our fault, for being disorganised, chaotic and generally useless, but are actually the fault of the sock. The sock is simply a bad idea. Wherever it goes it brings sorrow and bad vibes.

Read on from the ‘Idle Parent’