DadTalk

Children separated from their Fathers

Why is the absent parent usually the father and why is access for the absent father so difficult?

Anne Tanner comments in the Guardian on the ‘modern-day judgement of Solomon’:

Since 1969 divorce has been legally easy in this country and has resulted in increasing numbers of children who have little or no contact with the absent parent, usually the father. Why is the absent parent usually the father and why is access for the absent father so difficult? What can we do to improve the situation?

Despite our claims to be more egalitarian than in the past, we still have a cultural bias against men in a childcare role. The pressures of work can make it very difficult for some fathers, who often only see their young children at weekends. So many fathers living with the mothers of their children are almost absent fathers. Society appears to accept this.

Our divorce system seems to accord with the Victorian view that mothers are carers and fathers are providers. This does not reflect modern reality. Today, when men, especially the self-employed and shift workers, frequently collect their kids from school because mum is at work and are expected to help with the housework, this is nonsense.

So what should we do? I would suggest:

1. We should as a society accept that people need help to address the anger they feel and to learn how to co-operate over contact. So mediating services should be easily available. By assisting with this the court would only be extending its present duty to defend the interests of children.
2. Make family courts more accountable, the identity of the child could still be protected.

By focusing on the whole family, we could avoid the angry battles between ex-spouses. With this help they could co-operate over the care of the child, help to heal the wounds inflicted by one of the most stressful events we can experience and get on with their lives.

Read more in the Guardian & let us know what you think via the forum