DadTalk

Communication

How are two individuals, brought up with different life-experiences, ever meant to work together to raise their own family? You and your partner have to work out how to communicate and have healthy arguments

You and your wife/partner may well have very different views on how to raise children - what do you think about breastfeeding (they are yours aren’t they?), family beds (room for three in your bed?), discipline (arghhhh how is that supposed to work?), in-laws (don’t start)...

Somehow, the two of you have to act like grown-up adults and figure this all out - otherwise you are heading into a battle zone.

As always, the number one rule for communication is to talk - talk, talk, talk. If you don’t, neither of you will know what the other really thinks & you are sure to do the wrong thing because she hasn’t told you what she wants.

Arguments and disagreements are a fact of life. We are all unique and entitled to our own opinions; hence there will always be times in a relationship where you disagree with your wife/partner. Learning how to do this in a ‘healthy’ way is one of the vital keys to a good relationship. Each time you manage to find your way through an argument and out the other side, you will have created a stronger partnership. The next time an argument surfaces you might then have the confidence to face the issues without feeling like running away.

• Deal with issues sooner rather than later - don’t let a little thing fester & grow into something big.
• Focus on the behaviour or situation rather than the ‘person’. Always aim to ‘love the person’, ‘hate the behaviour/situation’.
• Try to see things from their perspective - this is really hard, but really worthwhile. If you can understand their position it becomes much easier to find a way to compromise or reach agreement.
• Listen - active listening involves repeating back what you have heard, in this way you are affirming that you are really hearing them & helps clarify any miscommunications.
• Fix what you can and find ways to live with the things that can’t be changed.
• Work on the relationship but don’t overanalyse it - it has been said that no one really knows what goes on between a man & a woman in a relationship - it is meant to be a mystery so don’t waste time or breath trying to figure it all out!
• Be prepared to apologise and admit it when you are wrong - this makes you no less of a man yet can be a soothing balm for your relationship.
• Try not to go to bed with things unresolved, if at all possible make your peace before bedtime - then wake up the next morning & ‘start fresh’.
• Learn to forgive - easier said than done sometimes, but anyone who has held a grudge will know it can be the beginning of the end for a relationship.
• Laughter is great medicine - couples that learn to laugh together...stay together.
• Compromise - tricky one this. As with children, pick your battles - decide what really matters to you but be prepared to give up some territory - this is not really a ‘war’ it is meant to be a ‘family’! Sometimes it is worth conceding a battle in order to build a good relationship & a strong family.
• Get some help - if you can’t resolve things between you, don’t give up & run - get some experts involved. They may be friends who seem to have ‘figured it out’ (not true - we are all ‘works in progress’) or professionals. Your children need you there, so if at all possible, find a way to make it work.