Dadtalk

Forgotten Boundaries

Britain is suffering from an epidemic of family breakdowns affecting all levels of society. We are experiencing a period of family meltdown whose effects will be as catastrophic as the meltdown of the ice caps.

According to a report commissioned by the National Union of Teachers, primary school pupils are increasingly difficult to teach as they throw tantrums during lessons if they fail to get their own way. Teachers blamed highly permissive parents many of whom admitted to indulging their children, often for the sake of peace or simply because they had run out of alternative incentives or sanctions. Echoing the above, Mr Justice Coleridge, one of the country's most senior judges said, “Britain is suffering from an epidemic of family breakdowns affecting all levels of society. We are experiencing a period of family meltdown whose effects will be as catastrophic as the meltdown of the ice caps."

In part the issue is one of boundaries, boundaries that once served us geographically, politically, socially and emotionally are either blurred or non-existent. We are not sure where to draw the line with our children as they regularly challenge and change the rules. It seems we have forgotten that our children cannot live healthy lives without boundaries and structures.

As the crisis deepens government has stepped in and sought to fill the void left by our ‘new age’ condition. There is an array of family support initiatives, workshops, Sure Start programmes - you name it. But in a world of accelerated change there is little time for the latest fad to take hold before it is swallowed by the insatiable vortex of change followed by something new and then still more. The result is chaos, chaos in our schools, homes and community; in a world with little regard for tradition confusion reigns.

According to our learned judge (above) we cannot afford this kind of chaos much longer; we are running out of time and too many of our children are out of control. The proportion of teachers finding weapons on pupils on a weekly basis had almost quadrupled from 2001 to 2008. Warwick University, interviewing 1,500 teachers for the National Union of Teachers, found those finding drugs on pupils weekly had doubled and a staggering one in 10 teachers had discovered children dealing in drugs.

One sociologist states “over the last 50 years we have yielded power to children and parents have become too friendly with their children”. Home life and parent/child relationships are far too casual, meals happen in front of the television and a lack of clear boundaries creates a mindset that does not help in the school environment. We have countless children who are unable to focus (without fast paced, visual stimulation) or sit still for even short periods. TV has become part of our children’s social homework; it provides them with material to be funny. The power to concentrate wanes the more TV you watch.

The trouble however did not start 'out there' in the world, if so the mire in which we find ourselves would be much deeper. We cannot change the world out there and fortunately we don’t have to. The chaos is much closer to home; it's in you and me. The apparent chaos is only a reflection of our own inner turmoil.

Our children therefore are a reflection of ourselves (as adults) to see change in them is only possible when we change ourselves!

"For these are all our children and we shall either pay or profit by what they become"