DadTalk

Am I A Good Daddy?

Deep inside this 42 year old father of 2, hubby of 1, sibling, son, uncle, friend, professional person is a deep rooted fear. I know that I’m not alone in this place because a few years ago a friend of mine let down his guard and spoke out the words that have filled my head for years.

He told me that each morning as he shaves he looks in the mirror and sees a 12 year old boy staring back. What he sees is a 12 year old boy trying to fill the space of a fully grown man and his fear is that one day, at some random point, others will realise that he is just a scared kid who doesn’t have what it takes. 

One of the intrinsic core values that dads equip their kids with is this; you have what it takes, you can succeed.

When my boys are standing halfway up a climbing frame, when they are learning to ride their bike, when they are struggling with school work my role is to coach them to stretch a little higher, keep their eyes forward, and apply their minds a little deeper. My role is to broaden their view of themselves through life’s experience.  I’m not saying that I need to teach my kids to succeed and always overcome, that’s not it at all. It’s about growing an inner confidence in my kids that leaves them knowing they have what it takes to do life. This might mean that they are confident to roll their sleeves up and dive in or confident enough to ask for help when they know they need it. 

In my early parenting years I wasn’t confident enough to ask for help, to say I wasn’t sure what to do. Well, just like my buddy,  I decided to drop the mask of masculine togetherness and say that I don’t always feel like I know what I’m doing and I need others to help me out. I need others to give me the advice and support I need at times if I’m going to truly support my kids be all that they can be. At times in order for them to know they have what it take I’ve grown to realise it’s ok to say I need others to bring that out of me first.