Dadtalk

What it means to be a Man

The issue of masculinity and what makes a man has come into sharper focus in recent times.

With the pluses and successes of feminism the issue of masculinity and what makes a man has come into sharper focus in recent times. A close colleague of mine was asked recently by a T.V company to be the anchor man in a T.V. production (series) on manhood. The program would consider the question of manliness, especially the adolescent journey from the perspective of different cultures across the world.

In the Alex Haley film Roots, young Kunta Kinte was taken by the males of his village at the age of fourteen for manhood training. The idea being that the status of a man has to be earned and then conferred. Becoming a man has little to do with numbers and has much to do with nurture.

The invention of the term ‘teenager’ in the west has done much to confuse the issue of adolescence. To our forebears the adolescent state, literally adult in waiting, represents a defined period of development with a clear outcome/purpose. “Teenager is a term invented by people wanting to create a counter culture in order to exploit our young people at a vulnerable period in their lives. It was invented (and intended) to sell records and jeans and propagate an alternative culture to adults especially parents’. (Mark Small)

Despite the equality of the sexes there remains a view that male and females have distinct and complimentary roles. As a boy rises to manhood he wants to know that he ‘has got what it takes’. Sadly in the west there is no equivalent Kunta Kinte type manhood training camp, although the Jewish community, through their bar mitzvahs, has maintained the ideology.

Whatever one’s understanding of what it means to be a man, two things are abundantly clear. The first is that it is distinct from being a woman and secondly it is distinct from being a boy. In respect of the later i.e. boys to men, there is much debate about that which characterises manhood. In the past it centred on responsibility for family and community (provision and protection) along with leadership, where males were clearly head of the household. Although these roles are now somewhat blurred there are two essential elements that remain that are worth noting.

The main message is that upon coming of age ‘you are responsible for your actions’. The Jewish bar mitzvah translated means ‘to whom the commandments apply’. As our children grow in age and physicality it is useful to remind them in word and deed that they need to be accountable in law and community for their own words and actions.

The other essential element concerns challenge. Leaning on the African traditions it is important for boys to have some task, some mountain to climb, a battle to fight! “For too long our teenagers have been entertained when what they really needed was challenge” (Mark Small)

As parents and in particular males (uncles and godfathers etc) if we can somehow develop practical, kinaesthetic ways of conveying these truths we will raise healthier young men. If wise elders do not pass on these enduring values someone else will fill the vacuum.