Talking

Many parents have discovered that when kids are bored, on tedious car journeys or doing mundane tasks like the washing up, they begin talking. They talk and talk and talk.

When that happens the best thing a parent can do is be quiet and listen. This is the chance to let your teenager lead a conversation. Deep down, they want to share their lives with their parents, but they still want to feel in control.

When teenagers open their hearts during these 'boring-times' Parents can make the most of the opportunity to evaluate their parenting skills. By listening carefully, you can evaluate how your parenting is influencing them and if your values still shape their lives. It may also give you the opportunity to see what potential trouble lies ahead.

The next time a teenager asks you to take them somewhere, grab your car keys. You may never get a better opportunity to discover what he's thinking!

Learn to talk on the move!

Teenagers always seem to be on the move. (Once you’ve got them up at around 1 pm that is!) Adults make things happen by talking, and then we move. Teenagers on the other hand are action machines. They're not as reliant on sophisticated words as we are. They also have the added distraction of being inside bodies pulsing with energy and strength.

If you really want to connect with a teenager, you need to get active. Race them. Challenge them to a game of football or shoot some baskets together, go for a drive or 'shop til you drop.' Put the chatterbox in motion while you are moving and doing.

Try to create the right climate

One in which a teenager can feel free to discuss anything with you: sex, drugs, anger, fear, disappointment,

pain, peers, etc. This shows your teenager that you can be of help in solving problems, and they won't be afraid of speaking out.

Parents need to understand what adolescence is like in today's society, as well as the pressures and choices adolescents face. Yes, it is hard to catch most teens in a "chatty" mood. However, parents who try will find an opportunity now and again. Just listen and accept the simple truth that a young person feels what she/he feels, no matter how irrational it may sound.

Remember that teenagers need adults who are open-minded, they need guidance now more than ever and occasionally they will ask for it. If they fear their parents will discourage them from being truthful by displaying disappointment and disapproval, they will back off and it may be a long time before they approach again. Just let them talk to you, and demonstrate that you hear what they are saying. If you want to talk, just wait your turn then perhaps they will listen to you.

“But she/he won’t talk!”

What should you do if your teenager just won't talk to you? Don’t be too discouraged. Hang in there but don’t push. Respect their right not to talk and be attentive to the things they do want to talk about. A parent may do all of the above and still his/her child will not talk. That’s why you need to maintain good relationships and strong links with friends to whom your children will talk.

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