Opinions

It may surprise you to know that even when a teenager starts a sentence with, “I don’t know what to do ...,” they are not actually asking what you think they should do?

“I don’t know what to do,” does not equal, “Please tell me what to do.”

If you’re not sure whether you’re being asked to listen or problem solve, listen for awhile and then, simply ask. For example, try something like this "I don’t feel as if I'm helping in any way, do you want me just to listen or do you need some help to solve this? Tell me what you need.” That may sound a little odd, but it really works.

If you feel compelled to share your opinion and no one asked you for it, offer it tentatively, “Can I tell you what I think?” If they say, “No,” try very hard to accept their wishes. When you do share your opinions, do so with love, tenderness and compassion for they may be frightened and confused or embarrassed.

The longer you are able to keep your own ideas out of the conversation, the more you will be able to focus on what is going on down deep inside this precious person you love.

You also will be making several powerful statements to the one you are listening to:

• I love you enough to really listen.
• I believe in you and know you are capable of solving problems on your own.
• I am here when you need me.

If the words “Oh, and there’s one more thing….” Start to form in your mind block them out immediately. You are teetering on the edge of a precipice and just about to plunge head first down the mountain of undoing any really good communicating that has happened up to this point! Leave well alone (for now at least!)