Offer Options
It's difficult as a parent not to make choices for your teenager. Offer various solutions to the problem, but don't tell him/her what to do. If you do that and it doesn't work out, he/she will hold you responsible. By listening carefully and offering several solutions, a teenager can make their own choice and accept ownership of the outcome.
Some good rules to follow as you listen to your teenager are:
- Let the young person tell you the problem in their own words.
- Don't try to solve the problem, rather offer options.
- Offer hope.
- Keep a confidence to yourself, unless it is a life-threatening situation.
Try a new approach at home:
- Ignore squabbling.
- Spend time connecting with a teenager, being interested in their friends and their World.
- Listen actively instead of scolding.
- Encourage instead of nagging or criticising (look out for increased effort or improvement).
- Withdraw from ‘fights’ – no accusations or blaming.
- Use ‘I’ messages not ‘You’ messages.
- Involve/introduce them to new responsibilities
- Hold regular problem solving sessions to manage tensions and talk out important issues.
- Set limits and follow through on them.
- Negotiate.
- Play the ball – not the man (separate the problem from the person).
- Reject the behaviour – but never reject the young person.
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