Behaviour Management for Dads

Self awareness and self esteem – Because you’re worth it!

How are you today? – fine right?

No, I really mean it – how are you feeling today?

Do you know? Have you had time to stop and think?

Dads are emotional beings whether you choose to admit it or not! Here are just a few feelings to get you started: frustrated; calm; irritated; rejected; powerful; furious; valued; assertive; upset; bored; angry; loved; pleased; proud; sad; determined; helpless; cheerful; guilty; confused; disappointed; hurt; insecure; rebellious; tired; embarrassed; worried; confident; relaxed; aggressive.

So I repeat the question: “How are you today?”

Why do I insist on an answer? Because how you feel today makes an impact on how you parent your children today.

Usually when we are short tempered and snappy with our children we excuse it by saying we are ‘tired’. The truth is we may well be tired but perhaps we are worn down with feeling helpless or bored or rejected. So stop for a moment and ask yourself why do you feel like that and is there anything you can do to extend the feeling or change it?

Perhaps you are more lenient when you are feeling good about yourself, your achievements…. a new job, a pay rise, a promotion.

Perhaps you are more easily angered if you feel undervalued, that no one is listening to you, or pressured by money worries…

One day it’s OK to cover the lounge floor in train set another day even a couple of trains causes a major parental outburst – how’s a child supposed to work all that out?

Children flourish where boundaries are kindly and consistently maintained.

Self- awareness helps us to understand when we need to try a little harder to be consistent. Self-awareness helps us to think more carefully about our first response to our children’s cries for attention.  If we are angry or frustrated we may transfer those feelings to our children and discipline them in an inappropriate way.

“That’s it you’re grounded for a month!”or

“That’s it I’m taking your bike down the tip now!” are hardly rational statements!

If you are self-aware you will appreciate your own needs and understand why it makes sense to buy yourself some time concerning appropriate punishments.  “That behaviour is totally unacceptable. There will be a consequence – we’ll talk about it later.” is a courageous and appropriate response.  But make sure you do follow through later and remember don’t hand out penalties that actually punish you!

If you’re self-aware you will know when you have made mistakes and got it wrong. 

If you’re self-aware you will be able to apologise.  It is perfectly OK to say “I’m sorry…. I over reacted…. I jumped to conclusions…. I didn’t listen…. Can we talk it through and agree a more suitable outcome”

This all sounds very grown up I know – but then that’s what parents are supposed to be and that’s ultimately what we’re hoping our children will become. If we are grown up they will know what it looks like and have a better model to follow.

As you grapple with your feelings and understand why you do the things you do, your self-esteem and confidence will grow. Even better though is the fact that your child will learn self-awareness too.  If they can describe their feelings adequately and understand their own behaviour they too will grow in self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem is one of the greatest gifts a parent can develop in their child.

 

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